the best of us
4.20.2008
Been too long
Life is blissful and so is the Pacific,
so I chose this skin cuz I have a passion for
te moana and the islands.
I miss Hawai'i and the states very much cuz all of my fambam and memories are there and that's where I grew up . I'm currently spending most of my time living in Tonga except for the occasional trip to Auckland to handle the business of working on degree in Pacific Studies at the University of Auckland. I'm really happy I'm in love with the man I'll spend the rest of eternity with, he's the bomb and I know God made him for me. He has strengthened my faith, and knowing that the Highest blesses me with exactly what I need when I need it gives me joy and the power to get through any challenge. I'm grateful for every blessing and give it up to Jah for guiding my path in the right direction, meeting the right souls at the right time.
so I chose this skin cuz I have a passion for
te moana and the islands.
I miss Hawai'i and the states very much cuz all of my fambam and memories are there and that's where I grew up . I'm currently spending most of my time living in Tonga except for the occasional trip to Auckland to handle the business of working on degree in Pacific Studies at the University of Auckland. I'm really happy I'm in love with the man I'll spend the rest of eternity with, he's the bomb and I know God made him for me. He has strengthened my faith, and knowing that the Highest blesses me with exactly what I need when I need it gives me joy and the power to get through any challenge. I'm grateful for every blessing and give it up to Jah for guiding my path in the right direction, meeting the right souls at the right time.
2.05.2008
Cuz my email wouldn't work
Dear Kat
Sorry for the delay in response, email retarded and slower than molasses in january.
My take on your assessment and handling thus far of Mana's sojourn in your house is that you are doing the right. So continue on with my support blessing and gratitude. Its clear you know just how to handle it.
I empathize with your ire at having a 25 year old behave like an eleven year old. No doubt Pepe is more mature than Mana in many respects? I had a friend (Lolo) crashing at my pad-- remember the 40 year old with mental issues in a wheelchair? Well my well of energy ran dry and I had to kick him out. He is making progress. I think Mana will regret his behavior that is leading him to getting the boot, but Kat the boot shouldn't be spared. Based on all you've conveyed--the repeated dismissal on his part of certain groundrules (no vika, curfew, court compliance) coupled with his irresponsible drinking and driving, is valid grounds for the BOOT! Kick him, he is a sweetheart, but not worth the energy, he still carrying that tweaker energy that doesn't give a shit about anything, sucks sucks sucks. And you need to care and comfort yourself specially the bumpy start of 2008.
How fucked up that false vika's little boy home alone. That is inexcusable and your vocal input to her parents and court would be a clear and invaluable contribution to her kid's welfare....she manipulative has obviously wormed way out of all responsibility or discipline. She needs her tubes tied, mention that to Mana, and I'm telling you that if she has any kids to him that I will adopt them because she is unfit mother. But by the sounds of it they are a dead end pair and will likely both fail their court ordered programs and end up back in Jail.
I received all your three prior emails, and I think you underestimate your ability to meditate. We all do it innately as babies and kids. We just learn to think and over think. Shutting it off IS possible. WIth that being said, I have managed to meditate for the odd 5 minutes here and there, but it is like a well and I enjoy it. Also when you write I can feel you are engaged in a contemplative meditation -- meditation is just that same flow, but minus the setting down of thought....thoughts flow, they are observed but the practical response is to observe and let pass, not react, and its that non-reactive practice that defines meditation. I know my mind is a monkey, but each 5 minutes of observing it lightens my spirit's identification with that monkey going mad. =)
I miss you and hey if I am in Hawaii and you want to go to any retreat- meditation or otherwise (yoga?) I will watch the kids and house and dogs. By the way the bloody saga of dogs the other night sounded horrific. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
Hot today again, humid and am going to take a swim at the ocean pool. Headed to Auckland on Thursday for my meeting next monday with supervisors. Work sounds demanding in your corner. I'm awed by your energy, and see you as one skilled Mama. Give him the boot. I'm sort of ashamed for him, to continue that behavior its a disrespect to you, and I'm sorry that he didn't step up to the plate like a real man. I blame false Vika and her inability/ignorance of embracing Real Life (in her case her motherhood) and hence Real Womanhood. Mana will never reach his true manhood with a false Vika. They both are selling their birthrights for a mess of pottage. And you can tell him I said that (reference the Biblical story of Jacob and Esau. The farm is still waiting, and it breaks my heart. =(
But you inspire me - I know you are a true woman. True men are hard to find, but certainly you have run into some, though maybe nurture their inner boy brat, I wonder because I do that. Teach Mana to be a man. I hope he dumps false vika.
Love
lani
Sorry for the delay in response, email retarded and slower than molasses in january.
My take on your assessment and handling thus far of Mana's sojourn in your house is that you are doing the right. So continue on with my support blessing and gratitude. Its clear you know just how to handle it.
I empathize with your ire at having a 25 year old behave like an eleven year old. No doubt Pepe is more mature than Mana in many respects? I had a friend (Lolo) crashing at my pad-- remember the 40 year old with mental issues in a wheelchair? Well my well of energy ran dry and I had to kick him out. He is making progress. I think Mana will regret his behavior that is leading him to getting the boot, but Kat the boot shouldn't be spared. Based on all you've conveyed--the repeated dismissal on his part of certain groundrules (no vika, curfew, court compliance) coupled with his irresponsible drinking and driving, is valid grounds for the BOOT! Kick him, he is a sweetheart, but not worth the energy, he still carrying that tweaker energy that doesn't give a shit about anything, sucks sucks sucks. And you need to care and comfort yourself specially the bumpy start of 2008.
How fucked up that false vika's little boy home alone. That is inexcusable and your vocal input to her parents and court would be a clear and invaluable contribution to her kid's welfare....she manipulative has obviously wormed way out of all responsibility or discipline. She needs her tubes tied, mention that to Mana, and I'm telling you that if she has any kids to him that I will adopt them because she is unfit mother. But by the sounds of it they are a dead end pair and will likely both fail their court ordered programs and end up back in Jail.
I received all your three prior emails, and I think you underestimate your ability to meditate. We all do it innately as babies and kids. We just learn to think and over think. Shutting it off IS possible. WIth that being said, I have managed to meditate for the odd 5 minutes here and there, but it is like a well and I enjoy it. Also when you write I can feel you are engaged in a contemplative meditation -- meditation is just that same flow, but minus the setting down of thought....thoughts flow, they are observed but the practical response is to observe and let pass, not react, and its that non-reactive practice that defines meditation. I know my mind is a monkey, but each 5 minutes of observing it lightens my spirit's identification with that monkey going mad. =)
I miss you and hey if I am in Hawaii and you want to go to any retreat- meditation or otherwise (yoga?) I will watch the kids and house and dogs. By the way the bloody saga of dogs the other night sounded horrific. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
Hot today again, humid and am going to take a swim at the ocean pool. Headed to Auckland on Thursday for my meeting next monday with supervisors. Work sounds demanding in your corner. I'm awed by your energy, and see you as one skilled Mama. Give him the boot. I'm sort of ashamed for him, to continue that behavior its a disrespect to you, and I'm sorry that he didn't step up to the plate like a real man. I blame false Vika and her inability/ignorance of embracing Real Life (in her case her motherhood) and hence Real Womanhood. Mana will never reach his true manhood with a false Vika. They both are selling their birthrights for a mess of pottage. And you can tell him I said that (reference the Biblical story of Jacob and Esau. The farm is still waiting, and it breaks my heart. =(
But you inspire me - I know you are a true woman. True men are hard to find, but certainly you have run into some, though maybe nurture their inner boy brat, I wonder because I do that. Teach Mana to be a man. I hope he dumps false vika.
Love
lani
2.04.2008
Fanga
I'm at another internet spot in Fanga, this one less crowded, only three youngsters pounding away at Bebo, but I guess the scarcity makes the boy behind the counter think its cool to bump the blaring rap that i don't appreciate - Am I getting old?? I just closed a Bebo page of a youngster who hadn't cleared it before he logged off, part of his introduction: "I'm a crip for life"....Hometown: Fanga.... Had lots of comments from other kids here in Tonga...
I asked Lolo who has been crashing in my front room to vacate the premises, he was too needy, but I suppose I would be too if I were in a wheelchair...it became apparent to me what he meant when I first heard him say "Being out here in Tonga will damage your mind...." My take is that he was unreasonable in continuing to use the excuse that his Aunty's rocky driveway prevented him from wheeling to his spot...I let him crash but he was getting too comfortable, and in my humble opinion not spending enough 'away' hours...after all I do 'work' from home, 'work' meaning meditating and thinking, in alternating (and confusing) phases...Isn't it enough to be cool enough to let him kick it without letting him dominate my household space??
At any rate, walking down here to the internet, he found a new posting spot in front of the Solomone Alipate store, only at the house next door...not very far, and I fear my niceness, or kindness to be taken for weakness. Felt both bad and good about being selfish in my eviction, but relieved if only I didn't see him posting at the storefront of the house next door.
Been trying (and try being the operative verb) to post blogs that will make sense, be good, and reflective...guess I'm seeing it as a chore, but underneath maybe I just hate committing my experience into words....I realize that may be a "problem" to find a solution to, as eventually (God willing) will have to sort through much of my experience the past 6 months to put some words down into a thesis. I guess this is the question or one of the questions of my thesis, something about the written word, ethnography and all that jazz. Just wish I didn't have to sound like a dear diary in this raw form, and wondering how to make it literary, with all that finesse, how to "frame" up it all, "crop", etc...."portraits" I'm thinking will be good....And then the sequencing, will be important too.
Right now I just feel deflated from writing, although I know it good for me and necessary for my health as an over-thinking type of person.
Charlie somewhat impressed I can understand his eubonics... =) Didn't he know I just listen hella well to the feeling behind any sound... Even accustoming my ears to Tongan, yet missing so much vocabulary I can feel it...you know?
Hot and humid. I don't know why the weather report necessary, only mentioning it because I spent the afternoon napping only to wake to soaked pillowcase. Big Lani came by to pick up the DVD Walter left for the commercial before his next big fight end of February. I wonder if he won the fight in Apia last weekend?
I asked Lolo who has been crashing in my front room to vacate the premises, he was too needy, but I suppose I would be too if I were in a wheelchair...it became apparent to me what he meant when I first heard him say "Being out here in Tonga will damage your mind...." My take is that he was unreasonable in continuing to use the excuse that his Aunty's rocky driveway prevented him from wheeling to his spot...I let him crash but he was getting too comfortable, and in my humble opinion not spending enough 'away' hours...after all I do 'work' from home, 'work' meaning meditating and thinking, in alternating (and confusing) phases...Isn't it enough to be cool enough to let him kick it without letting him dominate my household space??
At any rate, walking down here to the internet, he found a new posting spot in front of the Solomone Alipate store, only at the house next door...not very far, and I fear my niceness, or kindness to be taken for weakness. Felt both bad and good about being selfish in my eviction, but relieved if only I didn't see him posting at the storefront of the house next door.
Been trying (and try being the operative verb) to post blogs that will make sense, be good, and reflective...guess I'm seeing it as a chore, but underneath maybe I just hate committing my experience into words....I realize that may be a "problem" to find a solution to, as eventually (God willing) will have to sort through much of my experience the past 6 months to put some words down into a thesis. I guess this is the question or one of the questions of my thesis, something about the written word, ethnography and all that jazz. Just wish I didn't have to sound like a dear diary in this raw form, and wondering how to make it literary, with all that finesse, how to "frame" up it all, "crop", etc...."portraits" I'm thinking will be good....And then the sequencing, will be important too.
Right now I just feel deflated from writing, although I know it good for me and necessary for my health as an over-thinking type of person.
Charlie somewhat impressed I can understand his eubonics... =) Didn't he know I just listen hella well to the feeling behind any sound... Even accustoming my ears to Tongan, yet missing so much vocabulary I can feel it...you know?
Hot and humid. I don't know why the weather report necessary, only mentioning it because I spent the afternoon napping only to wake to soaked pillowcase. Big Lani came by to pick up the DVD Walter left for the commercial before his next big fight end of February. I wonder if he won the fight in Apia last weekend?
1.30.2008
2008
Happy New Year!
Well I remain here in Tonga, spent the holidays falling in love (again but I swear its real real real) and also kicking back in observation phase of my research. Been keeping activity to a minimum, taking my "posting angle" quite seriously. Perched on my front porch of Sailoame in Fanga, watching the dusty cars of Nuku'alofa drive, roll, bump and putter by--an array of cars from colorful painted ones bearing phrases like "Can't make a ho a housewife" (my personal favorite), to two brand new Hummers one black one blue, rumor has it one purchased with drug monies from a well-off drug dealer in Hawaii. Well, must say I have been following two court cases, both weed possession and so have attended church (once), clubs (twice), but seriously posting at Fanga has been occupation #1. I turned 29 two days ago, marked by little fanfare and a box of ice cream, one present was from Charlie who got my name tatted on his shoulder, made me melt just like the Rocky Road ice cream that was my other birthday treat. However the number 29 just doesn't feel as nice as did 28, a nice rounded even number...although if my intuitions are correct, 29 will be smoother than 28...last year was truly a rocky road, and right now I feel like I'm sailing on smooth water...Perhaps I'm just acclimated to the conditions of the journey, this PhD ride, my vaka, the sea. Fanga sits on the lagoon, and the waters of the lagoon are quiet, while the dusty Taufa'ahau road that Sailoame sits on is noisy except on Sunday mornings when Church going activities slow down the entire Kingdom, though not entirely. I must say I am not proud that I have not been blogging more regularly, just that seriously the posting angle really has been my M.O., that and the fact that this internet cafe, despite having two fans mounted and rotating on the East and West walls, is always over-hot and over-crowded with teens tapping away staring zombielike at page after page of Bebo nonsense. Tonight is not exception, with fifteen computers full and I swear every screen visible to me from my vantage point is on Bebo. I fear for this phenomenon, something not right about the slavery of the computer, the interface of the internet....Although, hypocritically I love using it and check my emails every few days. Now that a visit to Auckland with Eve and Melani is scheduled, I am gaining momentem. I asked Soni the other night could I write his life history, had asked before, but been slow to approach it, he will be one of the primarily ones I write about and I know it will be a knock out piece, eighteen years behind bars in Cali and now deported at 47, not to mention the deportation he endured and transcended in the early eighties after a youth in Cali at YA. At any rate, he says he has so many stories...and he a born storyteller (all one does in lockup is talk non stop, not to mention in Tonga in general the oral tradition strong)...So he is a volunteer, a willing key and boy am I grateful.
Well I remain here in Tonga, spent the holidays falling in love (again but I swear its real real real) and also kicking back in observation phase of my research. Been keeping activity to a minimum, taking my "posting angle" quite seriously. Perched on my front porch of Sailoame in Fanga, watching the dusty cars of Nuku'alofa drive, roll, bump and putter by--an array of cars from colorful painted ones bearing phrases like "Can't make a ho a housewife" (my personal favorite), to two brand new Hummers one black one blue, rumor has it one purchased with drug monies from a well-off drug dealer in Hawaii. Well, must say I have been following two court cases, both weed possession and so have attended church (once), clubs (twice), but seriously posting at Fanga has been occupation #1. I turned 29 two days ago, marked by little fanfare and a box of ice cream, one present was from Charlie who got my name tatted on his shoulder, made me melt just like the Rocky Road ice cream that was my other birthday treat. However the number 29 just doesn't feel as nice as did 28, a nice rounded even number...although if my intuitions are correct, 29 will be smoother than 28...last year was truly a rocky road, and right now I feel like I'm sailing on smooth water...Perhaps I'm just acclimated to the conditions of the journey, this PhD ride, my vaka, the sea. Fanga sits on the lagoon, and the waters of the lagoon are quiet, while the dusty Taufa'ahau road that Sailoame sits on is noisy except on Sunday mornings when Church going activities slow down the entire Kingdom, though not entirely. I must say I am not proud that I have not been blogging more regularly, just that seriously the posting angle really has been my M.O., that and the fact that this internet cafe, despite having two fans mounted and rotating on the East and West walls, is always over-hot and over-crowded with teens tapping away staring zombielike at page after page of Bebo nonsense. Tonight is not exception, with fifteen computers full and I swear every screen visible to me from my vantage point is on Bebo. I fear for this phenomenon, something not right about the slavery of the computer, the interface of the internet....Although, hypocritically I love using it and check my emails every few days. Now that a visit to Auckland with Eve and Melani is scheduled, I am gaining momentem. I asked Soni the other night could I write his life history, had asked before, but been slow to approach it, he will be one of the primarily ones I write about and I know it will be a knock out piece, eighteen years behind bars in Cali and now deported at 47, not to mention the deportation he endured and transcended in the early eighties after a youth in Cali at YA. At any rate, he says he has so many stories...and he a born storyteller (all one does in lockup is talk non stop, not to mention in Tonga in general the oral tradition strong)...So he is a volunteer, a willing key and boy am I grateful.
12.10.2007
Windy Today
Windy today (think there's a cyclone in Fiji) and an earthquake last night, felt good. Friday had a housewarming, fun but two mugs and a bowl went with the boys in the taxi on the way to Billfish, ugh, now I'm really down to one plate and 3 plastic forks. Somehow domesticity elludes me. Lolo brought a kitten he found on Saturday, beautiful marking, golden brown leopard spots and tiger stripes, must be 2 or 3 weeks old only. Maybe 4. I don't know.
Thank god I had Masami bring an Mp3 player, the walking and bus riding and sitting at the internet cafe is much more reasonable -- err -- palatable with my own tunes bumping secretly in my ears.
I thought I'd update and say I was in Samoa for 2 weeks in November, a little R&R, I attended the Miss South Pacific, which MISS TONGA won, woohoo. I'm interviewing her this month to post up on Mahe'i's website: Check it out at www.kakalaotonga.com, and got to track down Walter Pupu'a, boxer extraordinaire, to interview him as well. Anyways, got those to line up this month. Eh, before I forget I met a dude who works at the US Embassy in Apia, notified me that only 6 deportees sent back from US to Apia. He said their office is notified of all transiting Tongan deportees on the LA-APIA-TBU flight, the same flight I was on this last time, and the same flight Salesi took too, the same flight most Tongan deportees take..
Thank god I had Masami bring an Mp3 player, the walking and bus riding and sitting at the internet cafe is much more reasonable -- err -- palatable with my own tunes bumping secretly in my ears.
I thought I'd update and say I was in Samoa for 2 weeks in November, a little R&R, I attended the Miss South Pacific, which MISS TONGA won, woohoo. I'm interviewing her this month to post up on Mahe'i's website: Check it out at www.kakalaotonga.com, and got to track down Walter Pupu'a, boxer extraordinaire, to interview him as well. Anyways, got those to line up this month. Eh, before I forget I met a dude who works at the US Embassy in Apia, notified me that only 6 deportees sent back from US to Apia. He said their office is notified of all transiting Tongan deportees on the LA-APIA-TBU flight, the same flight I was on this last time, and the same flight Salesi took too, the same flight most Tongan deportees take..
10.26.2007
Now in Tonga
Well I arrived in Nuku'alofa on the 25th of september. Took me about three weeks of backpacking and lodging at guest houses to secure my own rental, a one bedroom flat part of a large house on the main road in Fanga. The house is called "sailoame" and in the two weeks I've lived there have had two breakins...one by a friend who is now on my black list (there's a story behind this) and the other by some local Fanga boys, who brought back the laptop minus the stickers on the front (my decor) because they knew that Sini was also staying at that spot, and because of Sini's dealings with local communities, they will stay away. It also helped that for the past week a friend who also is a professional security guard has also been posting at my spot and alas, today is friday so the weekend no doubt I will post all day all night and see what pops up. I spent the last three days attending the Tourism Week workshops with Sini who I'm assisting with research and development of a water-based tour operator business. The Weslyans are running a program for return migrants "Reconnection Program" been attending that past two weeks. And just basic stuff here and there. Hmmm, reason for my lack of blogging, well the internet is hella slow here, but today at the workshop at the brand new convention centre, the internet is FREE and quick in the "delegates room"....Last week was the South Pacific Forum. This building is soooooo not eco-friendly. Tonga is a trip.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
